At a time most insecure…

And what time would that be? When did I feel like everything that was my responsibility was way beyond my ability? Why during my first practice teaching placement of teacher’s college of course. I could hardly process the fact that I had signed myself up for this public performance in front of teenagers, having written a blurb to convince the university to select me for it. pffft.

In my few weeks there, I think I must have arrived at that high school every day before 95% of the teachers there. Somehow, it seemed like arriving impeccably early had to work in my favour somehow, and I’d take anything that would improve the odds of my emotional survival through the possibility of looking intellectually, socially, and/or fashionably stupid. In any case, the sun was barely up when I sat in the teachers’ lounge quietly panicking and trying to recite this psalm to myself and believe it true. Every day God showed that he had faithfully prepared details and prepared me both beforehand and on that day, but every morning I would still panic like a silly sitcom replay. Then this psalm would knock the sillies out long enough to remind me that all these me-focused worries were futile. Consider what is important. Consider what is true, it seems to whisper.

After all, with this type of wording, I’ll bet it’s been confronting the wild insecurities of God’s children since hundreds of years B.C., and shall continue to do so.

My Soul Waits for God Alone

To the choirmaster: according to Jeduthun. A psalm of David.

[62:1] For God alone my soul waits in silence;
from him comes my salvation.
[2] He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken.
[3] How long will all of you attack a man
to batter him,
like a leaning wall, a tottering fence?
[4] They only plan to thrust him down from his high position.
They take pleasure in falsehood.
They bless with their mouths,
but inwardly they curse.                      Selah
[5] For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,
for my hope is from him.
[6] He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be shaken.
[7] On God rests my salvation and my glory;
my mighty rock, my refuge is God.
[8] Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your heart before him;
God is a refuge for us.                     Selah
[9] Those of low estate are but a breath;
those of high estate are a delusion;
in the balances they go up;
they are together lighter than a breath.
[10] Put no trust in extortion;
set no vain hopes on robbery;
if riches increase, set not your heart on them.
[11] Once God has spoken;
twice have I heard this:
that power belongs to God,
[12] and that to you, O Lord, belongs steadfast love.
For you will render to a man
according to his work.
(Psalm 62 ESV)

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